We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
