This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
