if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
