I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So squirting runs in the family.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
