I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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