I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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