You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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