its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your tits are I can't wait for
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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