Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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