My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
