Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
