I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
