dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
