She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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