hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
