How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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