You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
