I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
