I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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