I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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