dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
