I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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