im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
