it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize