Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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