So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
