I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize