fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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