If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
