my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
