If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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