"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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