I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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