I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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