I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
