do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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