and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
