he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize