Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
