At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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