I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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