I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize