WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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