Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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