I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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