grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
