Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
