"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
