I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
