apparently the secret to your success is patron
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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