when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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