he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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