so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You ate ashes out of my bong
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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