I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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