Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
