based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
