i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize