I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize