Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You smell like stripper and shame
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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