Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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