Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
