can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
