wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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