it hurts more in the daytime
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
