jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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