My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
