look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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