Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
