I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
