Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
