No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
