Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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