i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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