i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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