My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
